Stop trying so hard to find a girlfriend or boyfriend
You’re looking for love and you haven’t found It or The One. You may have had love experiences. But they didn’t last. You may have stopped looking. You may even think you’ve been looking in all the wrong places. What now?
You’re still interested in finding love. How do you find this person? Someone you have things in common. And have attraction to. That distinguishes a friend from a love interest.
Maybe your list of requirements has gotten shorter.
Maybe all that is on there is:
No deal breakers.
And that’s it.
Whether your list is long or short. And you’re ready to find that person. If you don’t try so hard, you could find this person.
In a chance meeting. They could be at the coffee shop. At the grocery store. At the gas station.
I met this person at a party who told me her story of how she was pumping gas at the same station at the same time as her Future Husband. The wind took a piece of paper from the guy’s truck and it blew over to her car. He asked her out, and 3 kids later, the rest is history. What a great story (for her)!
But why doesn’t that happen to you?
If you want to find your Soul Mate, it won’t matter if or when you go out. You will end up with this person. It’s inevitable.
…Doesn’t that sound so easy (and surreal)? In theory. Yes.
But dating your Soul Mate (if you do) is anything but easy. It can be a long ride. I have friends with similar stories of waiting. Like mine.
When I got engaged, we didn’t know much about each other, despite the off and on years of dating.
It’s as if, you’re tested at every corner with your love. And you make it through each time. It’s easier if you believe it will last (faith). It’s almost like a promise or puzzle that can’t be broken, but you don’t know how the daily pieces will show up.
But I know not everyone has met their Soul Mate. And may not want to (trek through the journey). Or may not have one. Some people never even marry. So whether you do or don’t have a Soul Mate, isn’t better or not better.
Finding That Special Someone
I assume since you’re still reading that you are looking for that Special Someone. A boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe just to date. Or possibly marry. One day. There are many ways to meet your Future Mate.
Here’s what I would do if I were single and looking. I’d try (by getting out), but I wouldn’t try to meet anyone. You won’t be disappointed (or eventually frustrated) and you could learn something new or discover something else. That should be the goal. Period.
Go out to those public places. And strike up conversations. In the honey aisle. At the gym. Or shopping. Out and about doing your regular errands. Go to a place you like and have interest. If you don’t like the smell of coffee, don’t go to a coffee shop. You’ll be finding someone who probably drinks coffee regularly.
Find a common topic to have conversation over. Talk about where you are. If you’re from the area, talk about places of interest. If you’re not from the area, ask questions and talk about similarities to where you’re from.
Your encounters may or may not lead to anything — not the point. You had a nice conversation or learned something you wouldn’t have, had you not gone out. Trying to intentionally meet a mate can backfire.
Find a meetup group. And people who have similar interests. Attend when you feel good. Don’t go with hopes to meet someone. Go to learn something, meet some potential friends, and have a good time. Dress the way you would if you weren’t trying to meet someone to date. If you do meet someone that would just be gravy.
Find a side job. A place where you work at the information booth or a place to answer questions. You’ll get to meet people and they’ll know where to find you. An acquaintance of mine was working in a coffee shop and she got scooped up by a luxury furniture store manager. He saw something in her and she is building her career there. She didn’t find love that time, but she got a job!
Date online. In this digital day and age, I’d warn you against this. I kept this here because it’s a viable way to meet people. I met my first husband this way (and he’s a dear friend to this day). But that was eons ago when online dating was cutting edge.
Dating online today can be a frustrating and scary game. There are easier ways to meet men or women. But if you must, online dating is out there and available. And I even wrote an article about how to increase your online chances to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Put on your Best Self. Wearing a positive attitude at work and at the Post Office (and everywhere in between). And dressing and grooming like you care. You don’t have to be a Fashionista (can be a turn off) or dressed as a Metrosexual (could be a bad or good sign). Just take care of and feel good about yourself. Look your natural best.
Be clean shaven, with clean nails, clean shoes, clean hair, etc. Don’t slouch. Walk with confidence.
And here’s a little story to end my finding love thoughts…
She met love in the wrong place (when she wasn’t looking). She was attending a training class for a side restaurant job. She looked up and the trainer was someone she knew. She thought. But no, he wasn’t. He just seemed familiar like an old blanket she was comfortable with.
He had the same humor she had. And they had an instant connection when their eyes met. She looked away. And they ran into one another. He asked her out. And they dated. And got engaged 22 years later. That’s my story.