A Better Life
What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger
I was lost at 23. I had just graduated college. I had that going for me. But I had just moved out on my own with no idea what career direction I would head in. I opted to start a sales career in hotels.
I had worked in restaurants and a part-time job in a hotel during college, so I was familiar with the hospitality and the friendly customer service environment.
After a few months in a job as a catering sales assistant, I realized that the problems outweighed the perks. I had been victimized by an employer during and after leaving the company.
All the while, I was unaware I had been holding onto childhood wounds that I never dealt with growing up under the roof of struggling immigrant parents in America, living in an eggshell environment where perfectionist ways were expected from me, that I fell short of.
On top of my messy past life, I also had lingering relationship issues transitioning from unhealthy college relationship to a new, healthier life I was looking to start. I wanted to find the right mate in my mid-20 year old life to eventually marry.
When I moved out, I had the freedom to live the way I wanted, but I was drowning in credit card and college debt. I stayed in the hotel industry with a new hotel, despite new management work issues. I still had high hopes to move up the ladder, and not worry about covering rent or making ends met.
All the stress brewing up in my life, led me to my first gray hair that I cried over. Then, that same year I had a paralyzing panic attack at my new workplace where I was experiencing management work issues. I witnessed the unsettling episode unfold in front of a co-worker who helped me get through it as my body sat numb and my face was deadpan frozen, while my mind recorded what was happening.
I didn’t know at the time that I had PTSD from my past. That was not a term commonly known back then. From time to time, in unawareness, I would displace my anger and anxiety.
It caught up with me in my late 20’s and took years to rid of my victim mentality that started at a young age where I didn’t experience abundance. Those destructive ideas solidified in my mind, when I was literally terrorized as a workplace victim.
If I only I knew back then what I know now. What doesn’t kill you, does make you stronger. I had emotional burdens that I wanted to change.
Gradually through self-help learning, I became a tough cookie, not just in body and mind on the outside, but through my resilient spirit inside, where I grew in faith from not having any type of religious upbringing.
Despite lacking confidence, feeling insecure and having self-pity, I learned to change the negative tapes in my mind about the past and that the ego wanted to lavish in. I learned how to stop my mind from clouding over and destroying a happy day.
From living an emotional up and down roller coaster lifestyle in my 20’s, I learned in my late 30’s to be content and joyful in the small, simple things of life.
I enjoyed balance, beauty, creative hobbies, and relaxing, quiet moments where I found peace after career switching into the technology industry, that abruptly ended after ten years with the 2008 housing recession.
And in my mid-40’s, after a busy work season, I took a mid-life sabbatical that opened my eyes and heart to a deeper passion and purpose for personal growth, and sharing my wisdom discoveries like when I get to retell my life story.
I took the anxieties I experienced starting as a child, and moved them into the adult journey that led me to finding peace, being happy daily, and operating fearlessly.
I grew in abundant thinking and partnering with the Universe to collaborate a better life than I could come up with on my own in my pea brain. I surrendered what I couldn’t change and gained positive perspectives. You can move the needle to get opportunities, but you are limited in being able to open them. Those are life’s gifts.
Along with being wiser than you to know and shut the doors that you think you want, but actually won’t help you grow the most. Life is meant to get better and help you develop the tools inside you (your heart, mind, inner wisdom) to get the best life you are meant to have.
Lessons:
“The best is yet to come,” is what I would tell others. Even though as an adult I always believed age is just a number, I would tell my younger self now that “happiness comes from within,” and not the instant gratification, external stuff that will last for a short while and then disappear and leave you feeling worse off than you started when you see your credit card bill and process your negative self-thoughts.
You can’t change your past, but you can make your past, your strength by learning how you don’t want to be anymore. You can go through pains and hurts, to grow and then you have the chance to help others along your path in those areas you once struggled in.
Carve out some free time to think about what you want to make your life about.
Look forward to today’s journey of self-discovery. Where you are now is your life. Not your past. Not your future that hasn’t happened.
None of us know the future, but we can live now and today like it’s our last, while being excited about tomorrow.
Be mindfully a part of your change that’s happening as you read this and go about your day. Life is changing whether you want to go with the flow or you want to resist. It’s easier to move with the season’s current even if you are meant to go through uncertainty.
Keep moving forward and believe you will come out better. When you look back you’ll see what you left behind. And have a chance to celebrate with a smile on your face and a deeper knowing that you’re growing and exactly where you’re meant to be.
